Sick-lah

I am one sicky wicky piggie today. My nose allergy acted up again together with some pent-up cold because of shitty Manila weather lately (rainy-sunny, hot-cold). I feel really ugly when this happens. My nose is all red and stuffed, my eyebags puff out and my head weighs a ton.

But I figured this is my body's way of getting back at me. (Side kwento, I remember an ex-officemate who is feeling "arrived" and he responded to me in hard accent with " I will get back AT you" - instead of "I will get back TO you" the one time I asked him about some car-related document question. And of course I almost choked from laughing inside hehe). So anyway what I'm trying to say is that my sniffles is my body's way of reflecting my sad state of emotional health lately.

Aside from my body, I've also not been taking good care of my career and my relationships. Yup, how can I suck in all things important to me? The answer escapes me. I feel my life is in disarray. And this is bad for such a drama queen like me.

The sad fact is, because I am such a rational, analytical person, I know what needs to be done. But I just couldn't begin doing things I know will be good for me. And most of my rantings are probably unfounded.

I need a really good pause. I need focus.

No Progress-lah

For someone going to spend the next three years in a foreign country starting June, I am way too far in terms of preparation. Well for starters, I already renewed my passport which means they can already stamp my EP the next time I go to Singapore but due to paper shortage, I won't get my passport until last day of April. And looking at my May calendar, I'm not too optimistic I'll find time to pack my stuff. I also was able to finally open a checking account to better manage my local currency salary but still need to enroll in that online thingie. I have not also made progress in terms of emotional preparation although I did make a major step yesterday by going to a dermatologist for a strict skin care regimen because this thing is something I can no longer afford in Singapore. Hmm, not sure if that counts at all as preparation!

I can no longer delay the move but I'm not lifting a finger. It's too late for a denial now. I am so lost.

Separation Anxiety-lah

The long weekend was one of those rare moments when Husby travelled and I was left at home. Thankfully, have found bliss in my new hobby --- scrapbooking!!! Well not the real deal yet, it's more like sorting our pics and putting in fancy embellishments and texts on each page. Especially now that I've been having some memory gaps, it pays to invest time in documenting our travels. As said before, when you're memory is gone, all you have left are pictures heheh.

Anyway, thankfully too my younger sister works near so invited her over to spend the weekend and to bum around. She had a blast watching old movie reruns while I had the OC attack and organized and filed all our music CDs and DVDs -- with classifications to boot :) Next project will be to organize and group together our book collection which is indeed very ambitious so I don't dare start something I know I might not get to finish :)

And of course I have the longest introduction ...

Why separation anxiety? Well, last Sunday, sis and I had lunch with the folks in QC and Mom prepared two of my favorite dishes. She cooked it herself and the eggplant was a bit salty while the sinigang was a bit bland. But man, it tasted heavenly to me:) It's been a while since Mom last cooked, she actually prefers to "mando" in her kitchen (may pinagmanahan ako!~). Her point is that the usual Sunday lunches are not the same what with three of her daughters away from home, and the pinakamagana kumain (moi!) already has a good cook for a husband.

And so she cooked again for me last Sunday. Because I requested and she gamely obliged my plea for homecooked meal after two days of fastfood take out. And yesterday, the separation anxiety bit me.

Yup, found myself crying over the thought I can't just go to QC to taste my Mom's cooking when I'm already based in Singapore :( Or to listen to my Dad's endless senseless rantings..or to just lie on my old bed.. or play with Massey ... or pull silly jokes on my sister...

I'll miss it and I hope I don't self destruct in Singapore. These are the very things that keep me sane and keeps me grounded on who the real me is... now if I can only make a scrapbook of these thoughts to take with me to Singapore ...