Baby Blues

Considering I’ve been married more than four years now, I’m getting really used to people asking me if I already have kids. The questions range from the well-phrased (and hopefully well meaning!) to downright annoying and often hurtful. I remember being told before “To have a baby, you’ve got to want one”. It’s not the words per se but how it was said to me. It was painful and accusatory. And yes I think that made me cry that night.

It has been tough. All the questions put so much pressure on me. The thought of being infertile has crossed my mind. It scares me but for all the times that I thought something was wrong with my body, it would somehow assure me that I was fine.

I’m slowly learning not to let this upset me. I’m actually a bit glad we didn’t have a baby the past years. I would not want to have had a child just to put the questioning pressure to rest. I’m glad that Husby and I still continue to enjoy activities that build ourselves as individuals and as partners. We still act like lovestruck honeymooners after all these years and quite content with our family of two.

I believe in my heart that God will bless us with our Yuan and Yana but it will come in His Own time, not ours. And we’ll wait until then.